Just so long as you get drunk first- irrevocably drunk. But the film scores a commendable 3 out of 4 if you watch it smashed out of your mind.ĭo I recommend that you see the new Twilight this weekend? Of course I do. See, if you watch Breaking Dawn – Part 2 with a clear head, it nets 1 star… maybe 1.5 stars. (This goes just as much for the especially adept actors-Michael Sheen, Billy Burke, Elizabeth Reaser, Kristen Stewart-as it does for everybody else.) And when you get to the end credits, you have to hear this bleeding awful song, again.Īfter 10 minutes of this movie, this was the only note I managed to scribble out:Īnd then, the Natty Light kicked in, and I began enjoying myself famously. (Bella screaming “ SOME STUPID WOLFY CLAIM!” right before drop-kicking Jacob is the highpoint.) The acting is so epically phoned, the vamp-and-werewolf emoting so markedly blah, it’s hard not to think everyone on camera is grateful for this to finally be done. The dialogue is so stodgy it’s a miracle it wasn’t legally classified as a hypnotic drug.
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There is, quite simply, nowhere else for the series to go but down a tedious, two-hour road to the inevitable happily-ever-after.īreaking Dawn – Part Deux takes an extraordinarily talented director (Bill Condon, whose work includes Gods and Monsters and Dreamgirls) and reduces him to choreographing Playstation-grade melees and monotonous vampire sex. Twilightmentum has burrowed so deeply itself into our culture and national consciousness that our Supreme Court nominees are actually asked about it during their confirmation hearings. are all fully developed as the wafer-thin archetypes they have always been. After four novels, four prequels, and godless piles of fan fiction, Bella, Edward, Jacob, etc. The final installment in the adaptations of the Stephenie Meyer tween fantasy book horror-show is, unsurprisingly, no exception.Īs the series trundles toward its box-office-goosing conclusion, it’s now virtually impossible to give half a damn about the fate of the central characters.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2įor the past four years, the Twilight franchise has been America’s abortion-hating, abstinence-promoting insane ex-girlfriend who won’t go away and won’t stop stealing all your worldly possessions and patience.
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